Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize