I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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