I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize