well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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