To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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