Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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