You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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