It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
