No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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