If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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