I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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