you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
