I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
