Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
