Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize