next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
