I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
