This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
