worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
