Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize