hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
