do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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