I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
