Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
