if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
