Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
