cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
