Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
