Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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