Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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