There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
