I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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