You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
