dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
