found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
