just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
