He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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