someone get that fucking seahorse.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
