we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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