Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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