During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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