i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
