Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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