to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
