And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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