meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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