So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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