You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
