The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
