did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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