i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
