Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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