Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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