I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
