your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
