Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
