Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
