Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
