Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
