I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
