It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
