So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
