Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
