i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
