i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
