I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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