So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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