doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize