he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
