I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
