I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
