even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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