Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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