Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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