White coat. Heels.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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