Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
