he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
