i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
