You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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