He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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