how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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