you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
