I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
