the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
