Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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