I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
