I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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