My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
