it was like eating out sand paper
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
