i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
