also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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