Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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