shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
