remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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