That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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