You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
