Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
