OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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