I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i out mim tonsoeep
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