dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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